What makes you memorable when you meet someone? What garners trust and makes people want to be introduced to you?

I call it:

THE TRIAD OF LIKEABILITY

SMILE, EYE CONTACT, HANDSHAKE

Let’s take a moment to consider what it’s like to meet someone when it doesn’t go quite right,  when one of these three elements is missing. For example…

You meet someone who shakes your hand and says hello, but keeps glancing over your shoulder, like there’s something more interesting behind you (am I not that important?)

You meet someone who smiles and makes good eye contact, but has a dead fish handshake (yuck)

You meet someone who pumps and squeezes your hand, and stares you down, but doesn’t smile or show any warmth in their expression (are they trying to intimidate me?)

None of these scenarios is particularly offensive–they are all socially acceptable behavior, BUT it’s off-putting, isn’t it? And the crazy thing is that you remember those situations. You may not remember the other details, but I bet that you can recall the time somebody shook your hand so hard that they crushed your knuckles?

When you are introduced to someone, it’s gotta be right. It’s subtle, but crucial. You need all three elements to build trust.

Eye contact is fundamental to human engagement. Babies as young as 4 months old process faces almost as well as adults. Babies as young as 7 months old can differentiate emotions on their mother’s faces, and respond to them. Multiple parts of our brains have evolved to “read” expressions, even subtle ones, extremely well, even at a distance. We are looking at eyes and faces A LOT to understand the relationships in the people around us.

In situations when we meet someone for the first time and we don’t see an expression of openness or positivity, we don’t build rapport with that person.

To be a master at those intangible “people skills” you need all three to make a great impression, so…

Practice your handshake

Lengthen your eye contact

Add warmth to your smile

It will pay off more than you can imagine!

from “Wonder Women” presented to Harvard Business School