Sheryl Sandberg says, “Think personally, act communally” when negotiating. This is important for everyone, but is especially vital for women.
Research conducted by Hannah Riley Bowles and Linda Babcock confirms Sandberg’s strategy. Their studies, reported in Psychology of Women Quarterly in 2013, determined that for women who use an “I-We” strategy in negotiations (in this case for a salary increase) the outcome for them is better in two crucial ways: they are more likeable and they receive a higher salary.
“The key to a relational account (or “I-We”) strategy is to explain why your counterpart should perceive your negotiating as legitimate in terms that also communicate your concern for organizational relationships,” says Bowles in Harvard Business Review.
What does that mean in language we can understand?
Instead of just going in and asking for a raise, we need to clearly communicate the value we bring, AND ALSO communicate how that value will benefit the company. One will not cut it – you MUST do both.
Just saying, “Gee, I’m great—don’t you realize that? —and it’s been too long since you’ve given me an increase” won’t work.
Bowes and Babcock suggest saying something like this: “I don’t know how typical it is for people at my level to negotiate, but I’m hopeful that you’ll see my skill at negotiating as something important that I can bring to the job.”
For men, the “I-We” strategy had no impact. For women, it is crucial. Why?
As I mentioned in a previous blog, studies have shown that men communicate in a competitive way (to build status) and women communicate in a cooperative way (to build alliances). I think it goes back to the beginning of societies, when men went out in groups to hunt for food, while women grouped together to protect and raise their young.
When a woman steps outside of the “building alliances” position, and moves to the “building status” position, she is perceived negatively. Bowles and Babcock found that people don’t want to work with women after they negotiate a salary increase for themselves, because the woman is perceived as “less nice and too demanding.” But when she negotiates for others, even fiercely, it has no negative impact on her likeability.
So what we need to do, as women negotiators, is express concern for the greater organization, along with stating our negotiation request. We need to build those alliances.
I really don’t mind this particular little hoop we have to jump through, because it is a powerful communication tool, and strategically, it works very well. How can we not benefit from communicating our value and how it benefits the company we own or work for? Another way to game the system to our advantage!
Here’s your negotiation script: I have “x” skill and it will bring value to the organization in “y” way.
Another quick note:
The word “we,” in the “I-We” strategy is subtle yet powerful. Use it all the time, along with other inclusive pronouns like “us” and “our.” It evokes a sense of ownership and pride, showing that you are concerned with the organization just as much as you are interested in your negotiation request. And that is the winning combination.
For more information about this, check out: http://www.simplypsychology.org/social-identity-theory.html
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